I'm earning way less than my peers. But that's okay

I'm earning way less than my peers. But that's okay

When I was a kid growing up, I used to look down on parents with children in tow on public transport. Are they so poor they cannot afford to get their own car? Surely when I am a parent I would be able to provide for my family. Boy was I so wrong. This was me before understanding the burdens parents have on their own shoulders, kids (sometimes literally), parents, job insecurities, work and relationship stressors. And this is excluding their own dreams, aspirations and god forbid hobbies! My colleague ten years younger is earning much more than me. My peers are managers and vice presidents, leading teams and all that bullshit. They are driving cars and buying expensive stuff. How I landed up where I am I left my previous career of 8 years on a whim, mainly because I was so angry a colleague got promoted but not me. But also underlying all that I was dealing with a toxic colleague (not the same one) that legit gave me PTSD. I regretted that decision. Not because I left that job. Oh no. I would gladly leave that job regardless. But leaving without thinking about the longer term plan was bad thinking. Lured by the big headlines and promising pay, I went to the world of AI. Surprise surprise I couldn’t find a decent job and went into software engineering and I’m still stuck in a low paying contract job, struggling to beat my previous pay but oh so loving my work life balance and my work. Aside from voluntarily reducing my pay and throwing away my previous career’s experience, a bunch of unexpected life circumstances happened that put a damper on my, now our, financial goals. (Because let’s face it, when you get married your financial goals become your families’ financial goals. Since when a couple can retire by their singular self while the other goes on working. Or if you both retire but one goes to Starbucks and the other goes to kopitiam for their breakfast.) My pay is still nowhere near what I could have earned if I stayed at my previous career, I’ve not had bonus for 5 years, I would think for days before buying my laptop. All that glitters is not gold Money is important of course but it’s not the end all be all of our existence. Money means the difference between your child going to the outdoor playground exposed to the elements to sweat it out or play at the indoor playground at relative comfort. Money means your child is able to go to enrichment classes, get all of the creature comfort being shuffled around by mummy and daddy. It means your child being able to say they went to Japan with mummy, daddy, gong gong and po po when asked where did they go during school holidays. Everybody loves the image of themselves wearing expensive clothing, driving big cars, looking all impressive but nobody looks beneath the veneer and see what it took for them to get there. Sure, some are just nepo babies but for the everyday folk I would imagine that climbing up the corporate ladder took many scarifies as well. My wife gotten a promotion to middle management recently. Needless to say, she would greatly prefer being a peon than a boss. The pay is appreciated but the cost in time, energy and stress is so much more disproportionate than the increment. Being Human When I was taking the lift at a nearby mall during lunch hour, a group of people came in. “Oh, its B2” she went ahead and pressed the button. “I cannot remember where I parked my car” she added. “Oh no, I wonder where I parked mine” another chimed in. They were no older than me, some were younger and I cannot help but feel a tinge of envy and jealously. Here I am feeling like a big underachiever who cannot afford to buy a car for my family. Growing up in a family with a car, it was a quiet ambition of mine to own and drive one. My brother-in-law had a car. My brother has one. I always wanted to have one. It was worse when my friends and I started working and they got cars of their own one by one. I worked out the financials and looked at the number. Sure, I could get one but this means paying a hefty installment and downpayment to it which means lesser money being funneled to my investments. Which would ultimately mean more years spent working, more days fretting whether would I lose my job or not. Even now, the calculus is the same. Sure, I can get one but would I be willing to give up an earlier retirement or a piece of mind all for creature comfort? I think relative deprivation hits hard especially when we live in such a materialistic society and material wealth is the judge of success. But of course, ultimately it’s still a choice one has to make. To be part of the race or not. I choose to look poor but be rich rather than look rich and be poor. I choose instead to be grateful at what I do have. I have eyes that I can see the world, appreciate its beauty. Get lost in movies and look at the smiles of my loved ones. I can walk. I can run. I can consume popular media. I can play games. I can eat delicious food at the hawker center. I am not suffering from diseases. I have a healthy body and a sound mind. I don’t live under threat of homelessness or death. Just first world problems. And for all of those I am infinitely grateful to be alive. And just existing is fine for me. Tell me what you want, what you really really want Like many others, I grew up watching the people around me. My mother gives her money to her mother when she is younger, my dad when she’s married, now even when she is no longer earning anything to her children. Evidently, I grew up with money problems and I told myself I need to be careful with money. But I think underneath all that, I wanted security. Money is a means to something. That something is buying a peace of mind that you can lose your job without fearing you will be homeless, your basic needs will be protected. The freedom to go around without money worries. But is this all a case of bad faith? Do I secretly admire the rich and resent being poor? Am I just lying to myself just because I cannot afford cars and condominiums, it is a bad case of sour grapes? Maybe. I’m still human. And I still feel jealous. I’m not perfect. Sometimes I’ll catch myself thinking: what if I didn’t leave my previous career, I would be at least a VP now and be just like them. I’ll have a car, I’ll have lots of money, I’ll have no money worries. I’m earning way lesser than my peers. But I’m okay. Mostly. I acknowledge that owning expensive cars and condominiums means having jobs that can be very stressful and very time consuming. I acknowledge that I value more time doing what I want, having a peace of mind than working a stressful job. Not having a car and condominiums means more money channeling towards my retirement. But I’m also human, I’m jealous sometimes but I’m also content of what I do have. Right now. Mostly.

Podcast reflections 2

Podcast reflections 2

Audiobooks are a great way to absorb information on the go and that's the same with podcast. Normally I will listen to podcast when I am actively doing something else but I want to keep my mind occupied. Sometimes when I learn something interesting on the podcast I want to tell the world about it because I think they are valuable to you as well. Strength in situations that you can do nothing aboutFrom: Joe Rogan Experience #1193 Josh Dubin & Bruce Bryan Josh Dubin is from the innocence project which seeks to exonerate wrongfully convicted individuals through DNA testing and advocates for criminal justice reform, which needless to say is an incredibly meaningful job. Josh is joined on the podcast by Bruce Bryan who is a black man who was exonerated in 2023 with the help of the innocence project after spending 30 years in prison for a murder he did not commit. Yes you read that right. A murder he did not commit.I cannot imagine the frustration this man goes through, day in, day out. Thinking about his family, how unfair everything was and what injustice was done to him. He must have felt hopeless, helpless, and angry at the world. He must have wondered if he would ever see the light of day again, or if anyone would ever believe his innocence. But yet he stayed mentally strong and did not succumb to despair, violence, or self-harm. He used his time in prison to educate himself, help others, and advocate for his cause. He maintained his faith, his dignity, and his optimism. He never gave up on his quest for justice, freedom, and redemption."Prison is a cold environment and its up to you to find your own heat ... maintain a sense of humanity, you can either do two things, you could become bitter or you can become better. I chose the later. ..." — Bruce BryanI really liked his use of the coldness in the prison as a metaphor as a sense of hope and positivity, that he had to find his own heat, meaning his own source of motivation and strength, to survive and thrive. He did not let his circumstances change him for the worse, but rather used them as an opportunity to grow and improve. He could have sunk low thinking how the world has turned their backs on him but he chose not to do that - to be bitter but to be better. He goes on to say:Because one of the things I did early in my incarceration was to made a conscious decision to not serve time but to have time serve me, I made up my mind that if you were going to have me incarcerate for a crime that I did not commit, then I was going to take this time and use this cell as if it was an office, the school building as if it was an university, any chance I had to self reflect and engage in introspection ... — Bruce BryanBecause the external situation that he is in does not change no matter how he feels inside, he decided that he will take advantage of the situation and turn in it into one that is as positive as it could. And that my friends is just 100% respect.We can either choose to focus on the darkness or on the light Stay positive folks.

Life is too short to run on automatic

Life is too short to run on automatic

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the things you did. — Mark TwainIt is important to realise that we are here for a limited number of time and sometimes it is easy to forget that work is not the sole reason for our existence. How many of us have put off items after items in our bucket list or new year resolutions, telling ourselves that we have another year to do them? Maybe it is toTry an open-mic in a comedy show Write a book Live in another country for a year Speak another language Develop a mobile appOften times we think we are not good enough and do not even attempt to start them. More often than not its really the hustle and bustle of everyday life and then time passes by so fast. Before you know it, we look back and think to ourselves : what was I doing all this time? Dig out your old childhood dreams or reach out for a pen and paper and jot down what are the things you have always wanted to do and start working on it because life is too short to waste. Let's start cracking!

Podcast reflections 1

Podcast reflections 1

Audiobooks are a great way to absorb information on the go and that's the same with podcast. Normally I will listen to podcast when I am running but I want to keep my mind occupied when I am doing something routine like chores. Sometimes when I learn something interesting on the podcast I want to tell the world about it because I think they are valuable to you as well. On Finding partners From: Joe Rogan Experience #1905 Derek, More plates more dates In the context of practicing martial arts, Joe mentioned about "Iron sharpens Iron" and I think that is particularly valuable when we want to be good at our craft. When we spar, we want to spar with people that are better than ourselves so we are able to progress, see our flaws and learn from a more experienced partner. What use is there to spar with someone who is not as strong or not as nimble other than to boost our own ego into thinking that we are stronger or we are better? There is also a good link talking about it as well. Being a non religious person, I was unaware that the phrase has its roots in Christianity. Beyond the religious subtext, I think there are valuable principles the website points out like accountability, mutual benefit but ultimately I think this is about relationship because all of that cannot happen without a mutual understanding of each others goal. In the case of MMA its about being a better martial artist. And then comes the willingness or even the desire to want to engage with this other individual for practice, to expose one's own weakness through practice or sparring to be better. Partners? What about friends? The word partner seem to be a very loaded word. It implies something beyond just the mere concept of friendship. It seems to suggest a mark of dedication, of commitment to one another for the pursuit of a common even mutual goal. I personally find it really difficult to make friends more so when I am adult. When you are children it does not take much to find commonality, often just being in the same school, the same class, the same cca will be being common ground to be acquaintances and eventually friends. Looking back, the friendships I had when people who I met during my schooling years have very little to no common interest. Mentors or Partners? Partners also bears the connotation of being in the same level, of the same rank or status even. In my experience it is a lot easier to find mentors than partners with the same mindset. This is especially so in the working environment where a mentor can be a senior colleague or simply your supervisor but it does not necessarily have to be a formal agreement between the two. Simply a relationship where the mentor guides one to develop professionally and points out resources where one can improve on is good enough. How about dead people? Often times it is also worthwhile to note that books are generally very good resource to fall back on if one is unable to find partners or mentors. Books are written by subject matter experts in a sense and although they cannot inspect you individually they do offer their expertise 24/7. Furthermore books that are old does not mean they are bad. For example Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence people is a good book for anyone who wants to, well, have more friends, is written by an author in the 19th century but it does not make it a bad book. Although I would admit if the topic is on something that changes rapidly like technology it would behoove the reader to find something more recent. However even then one can still find books that are less current but still very relevant like design patterns , written almost 30 years ago, in tech time that's about as old as you get. Summary Finding a partner is invaluable to one's goals and growth but that role can be filled by a distant mentor as well if not then by a book. Learning opportunities are aplenty when you look for them.

Why you are lucky to be here

Why you are lucky to be here

So while migrating this post from my old blog, some images are not saved and are lost. You may visit the original post hereSingaporeans are obsessed with lucky draws. When a vehicle breaks down, not only the lanes in the same direction slows down because of the broken down vehicle but the lanes from the other direction as well - because people think they will strike 4D from the from license plate numbers. When a queue forms in front of a nondescript shop within the HDB heartlands, its almost guaranteed to be a Singapore Pools shop. But maybe you are one of the lucky few who have struck lottery and are now reading this from (insert idyllic island/ resort here), being attended by attractive women or men waiting on your every command? But what if I say everyone reading this is lucky. In fact, very lucky. Extremely lucky. As- tound- ing- ly lucky. To be here. Consider this. The chances of someone being born right now is the result of each parent meeting each other, both taking fancy, agreeing to be exclusive, rejecting the advances of other suiters, accepting each other's flaws and shortcomings. making sure both are aligned across long term goals and values, lasting long enough to copulate, overcoming life's uncertainties and bear an offspring. Not so easy. Finding someone with a pulse compatible Tall. Dark. Handsome. A simple criteria for my boyfriend. A list like that may exist for you and it could have criteria made up from childhood fantasy, teenage delusion and maybe a little bit of adult hopeful optimism.I'm an 8, so I'll settle for a 10 or maybe a 9. Lets say your criteria for a spouse is this+- 3 years my age same religion same cultural background Someone pleasing to the eyes Stable (enough) career, maybe earning enough so you both make it to household median wage of SGD10K Likes animals (or at least the ones I keep at home)Pretty simple right? Lets assume you want to find somebody. Like right now. But before that, lets assume something else about you. You are in your late 20s, just got out of university, found your first job and are looking to get into a relationship because you haven't had any luck in university despite your best efforts trying to say, pick up girls. Singapore has a population of 5.64 million as of June 2022. If you are a guy, you are probably looking for someone younger, maybe by 3 years going by the national median so that's already within the 20-24 age bracket.From population trends 2022 Well it still seems like there are plenty of fishes in the sea! You may say. Yes but this is just one criterion - age. If you add in other big criterions like education, socioeconomic background, religion, all of which influences some very big values like do you support euthanasia, do you believe in God(s), do you believe in the traditional roles of men and women, do you want to have kids to small but still important things like where do you go for dinner? at the nearby coffeeshop or at Ding Tai Feng, what do you spend your money on, communication style, etc. Each of them acting like another filter, separating the wheat from the chaff. Oh and while we are there, add this to the list as wellwants to date Socially available to youObviously doesn't mean that they are a fabulous catch means they want to date you or even socially available to you. Or maybe this awesome guy just wants a fling. Or maybe this girl you see around the campus is from business and your are from IT and your paths do not cross. Taylor swift may check all the boxes but she will most probably not be interested in you or know you exist.I can't put Taylor Swift here so here's an attractive woman instead Social apps like Tinder or even meetup is really helpful in this area because it allows you to jump out of your zone and interact with other people with similar interests or goals and it presents facts, preferences upfront. Apparently people lie about their hairstyle. And remember that's just your side of the equation. Your prospective partner will need to feel the same way about you too. That's right, another thing to add on to your listLikes you backNow your list is huge, so I think Auntie Sima's advice is not unrealistic because something's gotta give, right?Go watch it. Its good for the first season at least. Probably because of Aparna. Probably So you decide oh okay, she doesn't have to look like a model or he does not need to have a car and just keep an open mind. And even if you do end up with the one, that's not to say the relationship will definitely work out. A relationship may marinate and simmer for a decade to ultimately end up in separation. Fortunately cupid's arrow does strike true now and then and singles usually get paired off before their 40s. But we ain't out of the woods yet..From population trends 2022 Seems like men mortality rate is higher in their 60s compared to women. Doing the Deed When I was in secondary school, I remember there was this huge anticipation before a no holds barred teacher led session to discuss about the forbiden topic - sex. Oh, I remember the atmosphere was so electrifying. All sorts of questions from the mundane to the profane spewed from boys' mouths. After the session, it just made me more curious than before about the deed. Turning into an adult and having matters more demystified, all I know about conceiving is inserting this phallic shaped appendage into a particular orifice repeatedly until a visible outcome is achieved and then Boom. Little mini me is born. Or rather, conceived. 9 months later of course.As my friend would put it, even instant mee needs time to cook Only after when my wife and I were trying to conceive, it cannot be further from the truth. I still remember thinking as an adolescent, I have always looked upon the subject of infertility with amusement. Wouldn't it be fun just having sex all the time? Why are people so frustrated about it? There are a couple of obstacles that I think every couple would face to a certain degree.Medical complications Biological processMedical complications Sperm count has been dropping globally, so what else is new? The culprit? Probably diet and microplastics. Diet is nothing new - with obesity rates raising sharply globally and a clear link between obesity and testosterone (overweight is just anything more than 25 bmi, folks. Obese is 30), its no wonder why our soldiers are not enough/malformed. A recent research from China has shown that plastics can be harmful to us because of just how ubiquitous it is. Remember the food web in our primary school science text book? Microplastics thrown by humans are consumed by small fishes which are then eaten by bigger fishes and then eaten by us. Yeah, you know how it goes.All your plastics are belong to us In the study, mice were split into 4 groups that consumed varying amount of microplastics (100 micrograms to 1000 micrograms per liter with particles size ranging from 0.5micrometer to 10 micrometer) for 180 consecutive days including 1 control group. Testosterone from the blood showed a marked decrease and guys, I hate to break it to you but it screws up your balls and sperm:Control testicular sections presented with normal testicular architecture, intact epithelial membrane with normal spermatogenesis and lumen full of sperm. Conversely, degenerative, atrophied tubules with vacuolated tubular generation, derangement of cell layers, and abscission of spermatogenic cells were observed in the PS-MPs (polystyrene microplastics) exposure groups. Moreover, exposure to higher concentrations of PS-MPs could cause more severe damage to testicular structures. ... The person who was blinded to each group took pictures of the sperm and counted at least 1000 sperm. Abnormal sperm morphology manifested as acrosome loss, cephalic (small head), acephalia (no head), cervical folding, and tailless — Jin, H., Yan, M., Pan, C. et al. Chronic exposure to polystyrene microplastics induced male reproductive toxicity and decreased testosterone levels via the LH-mediated LHR/cAMP/PKA/StAR pathway. Part Fibre Toxicol 19, 13 (2022).Of course testosterone is not spared either.From the same research paper quoted above, this illustrates the results of the testosterone harvested from samples both control and non control. Considering that we consume up to 5g of plastic per week, I don't think that work wonders for our health. And if you think going vegan is the solution, think again. We also inhale the stuff. God knows what's gonna happen to the human species couple of generations down. And these are just on the male side of the equation. There are also many complications from the female side including structural issues, hormonal imbalances and more. Biological Process When I was hunting for a job, I attended many many interviews and the interview is all about selecting the right candidate for the job like screening for personality fit, accessing your technical knowledge to maybe I don't know, presentation skills.Everyone else: What should I have for lunch later The same can almost be said of the fertilised egg's journey to a fetus. We all know about the sperm's journey from the landing site to the target site: the woman's white blood cells would attack the sperm, the sperms may not be able to propel itself properly, there may be insufficient sperms, etc ,etc. But what other perils lie beyond our single-celled hero? The first screening of the embryo is whether it is able to latch on onto the endometrium (which is the layer of tissue that lines the uterus). In the book "This is your brain on birth control", Susan Hill explains that rather than improve the chances of implantation, it hampers it. How do they know that? Read on.How do we know that? Well, scientists have tried to implant mouse embryos in a bunch of other locations on the body, expecting them to wither away and die since they were deprived of the endometrial lining to nourish and sustain them. Much to their surprise, what they found was exactly the opposite. Not only did these embryos not die; they flourished. These little despots mercilessly burrowed their way through the tissues wherever they were implanted, destroying everything in their wake as they rummaged around for arteries to tap into to fuel their continued growth and expansion. The endometrium is actually one of the hardest places to grow an embryo, since the environment is downright inhospitable to a newly fertilized egg. — Susan Hill on how they found out the endometrium was hazardous to the implantation process from her book "This is your brain on birth control"Susan theorises that from an evolutionary point of view, this will allow the mother's body to "test" the embryo if it is "fit" enough as a proxy to survivability in the wild. Otherwise the failed embryo will simply be expunged from the body after the cycle ends. Thus ensuring that the fertilised egg is of some quality if it is able to latch onto the wall. She goes on to mention that 32% of the embryos meet similar fate.Well, I know as men, our failure rate is wayyyyyy higher than that Often in movies we see the first sign of indication of pregnancy is the woman just hurling her guts out. And that my friends is the next screening process. You see, assuming the embryo passes the implanting test, it needs to be able to produce a hormone enough to stop the menstruation cycle lest it gets expunged as well. This hormone is called Human Chorionic Gonadotropin or hCG for short and performs a host of functions including stopping the menstruation cycle, thickening the uterus lining and causing morning sickness and some food aversion that may contain teratogens which are compounds that is thought to be bad for fetal development. Coincidentally testing for the presence of hCG is how pregnancy kits work as well. An additional 24% of fertilised eggs do not produce enough hCG to stop the menstruation cycle and gets flushed out of the body as well. Wrapping Up Do you think you are lucky now? The odds of our parents finding each other and avoiding life's mishaps and misfortunes to ultimately end up in each others arms then doing the horizontal (or vertical maybe) dance to have you as a gem in their lives. It is easy to not think about the probability of our own existence on earth and having offspring is not really special since if you think about it, even roaches have kids*. But I think it is always good to reflect and be grateful of everything that has to happen in order to produce you. If anything, if you feel lucky, go and try your luck at 4D. * - Chris Rock, Never scared